grief's grown

to my gran'ma

when you were here, life was simpler.
the days were painted in yellow,
oh, so bright.

the summer’s approaching,
when it rains, I’m taken back to those days.

amma, you know, India is facing hailstorms.
i remember so vividly the last time it happened,
you sat out on the porch and i’d gather hailstones nd i brought them to you
i rubbed them on your dry skin

i remember when it’d thunder,
you’d whisper in my ears that one shloka,
i felt less scared
you said the gods were in a war up above
i imagined two people
in golden armour and chariots, with golden swords
racing toward each other, angrily groaning

the summer’s approaching,
when it rains, I’m taken back to those days.

i had a nightmare a few fornights ago,
that you weren’t here,
and everyone’s sobbing their guts out
i hoped it’d be a nightmare,
because it’d mean you were still here,
here with us;

when i woke up i was so shaken up,
tears came running down
my hands shaking
because it wasn’t just a nightmare,
it was a flashback.

i remember being 5,
calling you and blabbering about my day to you,
i wish i could still do that

now you’re not here,
life’s been hard
and the nights are being swept by the dark
oh, so dark.

in your memory,
unnu <3